February 23, 2020

Categories: The bed

Forget about Privè clubs and swinger’s parties. The new carnival perversion comes from Apulia, specifically a small village: Sammichele di Bari, 6 thousand people that, after the penitent Lent, they discover the pleasures of the flesh (human one that is).

Who gives a. I’m on a semi empty train, I’m coming back to Rome from Milan, after a lunch with the chancer of the newspaper. When he asked : “Do you fuck as good as you write?” I answered: “I fuck even better but you’ll never find out”. I get up and leave knowing I’ll never write for that newspaper but who gives a shit.

Sbum. right in front of me, on the train, there’s a very pretty girl, with a strong Milanese accent; she’s going to Apulia for her second Sammichele’s party. I never mind my own business and I ask her what it’s all about and I discover a whole new world. She’s been invited to a Sbum’s party. Everyone will bring something to eat.

Clitoris. She arrives dressed as Cat Woman and Spermatozoon, the host, welcomes her. She gets down the stairs and finds herself in a cellar with hams and tomatoes left hung up to dry alongside carnival garlands. On the table there are focaccia barese, chops with tomato sauce, eggplants stuffed with cheese. In the fire place there are sausages roasting. For dssert there some ‘lof de monache’ something that we normally call ‘castagnole’. These Sammichele’s parties started as a way to find a husband for the village spinsters but, in truth, anything can happen, cheating most of all. Once the party has started, men and women sit in front of each other and the guys invite the women to dance. If a woman is with her husband but she doesn’t mind another dick she will wear a red garter. The girl of the train is invited to dance by Smurf (there is also his wife Smurfette). During a revised version of the fox trot, he starts to rub against her and he does something no man has dared on the dance floor: he touches her clit. She loses it completely. “I had an orgasm while dancing” she tells me but obviously that is not enough. It seems Smurf is good friends with Spermatozoon, the host, who is more than willing to let him use a bedroom.

Octopus. Inconspicuously, while everyone is more interested in the roasted sausages, they take a leave. The bedroom is perfect for cheaters, it has pink walls and a round bed. He is an octopus. In a nano second, they find themselves on the floor when there’s a knock at the door. It’s Smurfette. She joins them. After about half an hour another knock at the door: it’s Spermatozoon, he joins in too. In less than an hour the entire party is now in the pink bedroom. Sboom.

Please note. According to an old adage, Sammichele’s men always leave the house with a hat on to hide his horns (in Italian if you’ve been cheated on they say ‘hai le corna’ ‘you have horns’). If he is newlywed he’ll ask his wife: “Do I need to wear a hat?” and nonchalantly she’ll reply: “Put it on love, you’ll never know”.

Ah the cheating...