“You have no idea. It’s the worse act of selfishness a man can do in bed” It’s my first post-quarantine drink with my friends, Alessia and Monica. We are at Euclide, a bar. The place is buzzing, full of life as if we are just out of a pandemic.
The politician. Our object of dispute is the sex adventure Monica had with a once very powerful politician, who, nowadays, has become a simple consultant. He was once famous for having shared the bed of a young a beautiful female MP with the prime minister. Anyhow, they often have sex and, once he cums, he ignores her pleasure completely. “what were you expecting from someone with that name” Alessia remarks.
Already finished? In order to console the poor girl, we share our misadventures. When I was at University. I had a crush on a hot guy, we start going out and we end up in bed; after 3 seconds he tells me: "I came", I start laughing and I go "C’mon, you must be kidding me" but he was not joking at all. For Alessia it was even worse. She tried everything, for half an hour she put in the same amount of effort it would take to reanimate a corpse.
Misfire. Also known as the syndrome ‘I would but I can’t’: commonly known as ‘misfire’, once in a lifetime any man can experience it and prompt women to use any form of consolation. “It happens to anyone, don’t worry” is the most common phrase. “It has never happened to me before” is the most common lie. Meanwhile they both had opposite thoughts. She fears not being sexy/horny enough: “At least I could have put on the leopard print thong I wear during important occasions, but with this cellulite even a hermit won’t get horny” whilst she find solace with a ‘supplì’ (Italian dumpling made of rice, ragù and mozzarella, then deep fried) known for its anti-cellulite properties. He pride would surely be wounded.
Positions. “He must be someone who likes to have sex hugging” I say. “What?” my friends look at me. “What? Don’t you that according to the favorite sex position you can understand the type of person?” For the lack of anything else, only the fragrance remains.